Wednesday, November 03, 2004

Think with your brain, not your body

The logic:
As Paul says, "Each of you should learn to control his own body" (1 Thessalonians 4:4). Why is that important? Basically it is a sign to you that a person is capable of delay of gratification and self-control, which are prerequisites of the ability to love. If someone cannot delay gratification and control himself or herself in this area, what makes you think that they can delay their own gratification in other areas of sacrifice to you? What is going to curb the "I want what I want now" mentality in the rest of life? If someone is able to respect the limit of hearing no for sex, then that is a character sign of someone who can say no to their own desires and hungers in order to serve a higher purpose, or to love another person.
The data:
Janet found this out the hard way. She loved Steve and wanted to be with him. So she gave in to sleeping with him. Even though it was against her values, she liked the fact that he wanted her so desperately. But what she found was that he did not have the ability to connect in other ways. When she would want deep talking, or sharing of feelings, he would withdraw from her. He was unable to be vulnerable on a level of needs or emotions. But when it came to sex, he was all for it.

This is the case with lust. It often occurs in a person who is not developing in other areas of intimacy. Sex during dating often hides a person's lack of relational skills - skills that are going to be needed in marriage. In all the heat and romance of dating and sex, the inabilities in the relational realm are never noticed. Then a person finds himself or herself serious with or marrying a sex addict who is incapable of a real relationship. Instead of expressing love through sex, the luster replaces love with sex.
The conclusion:
If you think with your body, expect benefits for only your body. Quotes from Boundaries in Dating, Chapter 17, by psychologists Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend.


  1. i agree...
    even in ed psych we learn that children who are able to have self control and resist gratification for future gains succeed more in life..
    the experiement was done to a group of kids.. they are given candy.. and told not to eat it and if they dun eat it before the experimenters come back, they get another one.... the kids that waited and resisted temptation was known to be more content and succeeded more in life...

  2. You may be interested in reading my post on the Future of Porn. Christians have a tough fight ahead. A tough fight now, I suppose. Porn is pervasive and evil. Porn fans the flame of sexual desire that manifests in otherwise innocent and young premarital relationships.