Sunday, August 08, 2004

Not a good first impression...

Back at the camp last long weekend, there was an incident. We had cup ramen of all things for breakfast. I finished my cup ramen and went to throw it out in the big central garbage can. There was this big white sheet on top for some reason and I tried to get it off. Then the can of Canada Dry ginger ale I was holding with my arm slipped. It bounced on the ground, punctured itself, and started spraying. And it came to a stop right in front of this lady that was waiting for the port-a-potty. It was morning, after all. And it was spraying her shirt.

Crap.

Not a good first impression...

/swoop down, grab the can
"Um, sorry, it was an accident... Um, could I get some napkins for you?"
/silence
"Um..."
"No, it's ok."
/finish throwing away empty cup ramen
"Um... yeah, sorry about that."
Dang. What are you supposed to do?

Not a good first impression...

It's funny how a single sentence can disable you and put you on edge for an entire evening. When 15 minutes late for an important appointment (actually, half an hour, since the other party is scheduled to arrive 15 minutes before you do), it sucks. And then you have to leave way early. Freak. Idiot. Yes, thank you. 88 - 60 = 28, not 18, you doofus. Crap. Maybe I just have bad luck around female people. :p I felt like a kid going to a school dance for the first time. Absolutely unsure of anything. It is amazing how much power a single sentence can have.

Not a good first impression...

So I was thinking all of last night and today what God would have me to do with my life. I've been reading Finding the Will of God: A Pagan Notion?, by Bruce K. Waltke. Excellent guy, I've heard him speak at two conferences and was amazed with his insight. He knows his stuff and is part of the TNIV translation team. He argues that Christians these days try to find the will of God by trusting the things around them, rather than developing their relationship with Christ. As one's relationship with Christ is deepened, one has the mind of Christ and will make plans as Christ would. Essentially, that's his main argument, and he goes into detail as to how actually the will of God is actually found. Relying on signs that could or could not be random should not substitute for guidance from the Holy Spirit, God's word, and rationality.

This book has really been the catalyst for getting me back on track with God. I'm probably not there yet, but I feel like I'm finally coming in line again, after a year of going my own way. About a year... didn't she say that's how long it'd probably take? ....

So I've decided to apply for law school. Why? I'm not entirely sure. I recall my cousin saying, "Yeah, I can see you in law school, but not as a lawyer." But I do know that I want to fix injustice. Will I ever actually become a lawyer? Chee, that really doesn't appeal to me. Then why get a law degree? I'm sure that it can be useful even if I don't become a lawyer. I've taken a look at a sample LSAT and it actually looks pretty easy. The biggest problem will be time. I am horrendously slow at doing exams. With the number of questions on this exam, I may finish the LSAT something like an hour after it's over... fun. Taking BUEC 495, Legal Aspects of Economic Relations next semester. Will I become totally robotic in micro-managing my activities and time? It will certainly be a crazy semester, as I'll need a good semester to pull this off. But I know I will not be satisfied with a normal 9 to 5 life. Making a difference, no matter how small or big, is a priority.
As for other halves, I can wait. How many have actually accepted me in this life for who I am? Not many. How many will in the future? Probably not many. We'll wait and see, as always. I just keep screwing up with every sentence, huh? Freak, why can't you just be yourself? Women must be the only entities on this planet that can disarm my psyche. Chee, put me in a boardroom to present a strategy to a CEO any day.
Focus is required now. I recall learning the true meaning of this verse in my Perspectives class.
But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ~ Matthew 6:33
The word kingdom in Greek is basileia, and has two meanings: rule and realm. Realm is like a physical land over which a king rules. Rule would refer to the king's kingship or authority. In this passage, it would appear that the meaning rule fits more than the meaning realm because of the context of the passage. Jesus is telling his disciples to not worry about anything. Seeking God's rule would assist that because God would have them under his authority and care, while his realm was as of yet not reached.

So seek first the authority and will of God in your life and all these things will come to pass. Essentially, that's what is being said here.
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." ~ Jeremiah 29:11-13
It's good to be back.

Heart of Worship
By Matt Redman

When the music fades
All is stripped away
And I simply come
Longing just to bring
Something that's of worth
That will bless Your heart

I'll bring You more than a song
For a song in itself
Is not what You have required
You search much deeper within
Through the way things appear
You're looking into my heart
I'm coming back to the heart of worship
And it's all about You,
It's all about You, Jesus
I'm sorry, Lord, for the thing I've made it
When it's all about You,
It's all about You, Jesus

King of endless worth
No one could express
How much You deserve
Though I'm weak and poor
All I have is Yours
Every single breath

I'll bring You more than a song
For a song in itself
Is not what You have required
You search much deeper within
Through the way things appear
You're looking into my heart
I'm coming back to the heart of worship
And it's all about You,
It's all about You, Jesus
I'm sorry, Lord, for the thing I've made it
And it's all about You,
It's all about You, Jesus
I'm coming back to the heart of worship,
And it's all about You,
It's all about You, Jesus
I'm sorry, Lord, for the thing I've made it
And it's all about You,
It's all about You, Jesus

But... Not a good first impression...

Chee, bygones are bygones. Let it be.

But does it go without saying that I couldn't drink my ginger ale anymore either? :(

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